How to be Brave and Courageous
The 10 steps
By Max Ryan (age 9)
 
1. Take a deep breath and think of everything that makes you happy, while you are in battle.
2. Take a huge yell and scare the enemy so that they will be frightened when you attack.
3. Charge as fast as you can to stun the enemy or to make step 2 more powerful.
4. Yell with your friends at the enemy so that all of the enemies are frightened
5. When in battle keep a comrade with you to have eyes on your back.
6. When you’re at range, fire range weapons, at short range, use short-range weapons; in close combat throw your axe or sword.
7. If they beg for mercy, and really mean it, don’t smite them. (This is for the good of “Kind”.)
8. After the battle, all of the people you have taken prisoner, free them, because it’s not right to keep slaves or prisoners.
9. After the battle, if you have won, thank grandmother and grandfather for success. If you haven’t won, pray for “better luck next time”.
10. If you have won, rejoice with your family, comrades and friend. If you haven’t won, still be glad because others have sacrificed their lives for your cause.

Kid's Potential

You cannot force a child to live their highest potential.

It may be that they don’t even know what that means.

It is possible to provide an experience that allows a child to see themselves using their highest potential, but that is about the extent of our role as a parent. If we take away their choice to be anything but their highest potential, they may resent and resist us for taking away their ability to decide for themselves their own course.

This can be with grades or sports, with relationships or a family bike ride. We are not here to act as a coach 100% of the time. Certainly there are times when we can shout from the sidelines of their life and hope our encouragement inspires a deeper commitment from them, but we may not run out onto the field and kick the ball for them to show them that that is how they should play. That robs them of their own life lesson of what it takes to succeed and win. Again, as I have stated before, we must model what it means to give it our all and let them see and experience the fruits of our labor. Then we must give them space and opportunity to see and experience it for themselves.

You cannot force a child to do better.

But you can let them learn what happens when they do.


Aaron Huey
Director
Fire Mountain Kids/FireHawk Facilitation
303-443-3343
Website: www.firemountainkids.com
Email: info@firemoutainkids.com

Parenting the Child, Not the Behavior

I was at an amazing seminar this past weekend led by my good friend, David Wood. He is the author of a kid’s book called, ”There’s a world in my house”. He spoke about parenting the child vs. parenting the behavior.

This morning, I found my self really stressed out about how my children were treating the morning. Y’know what I am speaking of, the took forever to get out of bed, when I tried to get them to put a little fire into their step, I got attitude... They had to finish breakfast in the car, and I was still late for work because I was waiting on them, you know the routine.

I spent the morning in reaction to what was happening. I was trying to parent the behavior. It wasn’t till we were (finally) in the car that I just stopped and began to breath, soften down the front of my body and relax. Remembering to not react, but run my own life so they learn to run their own lives. When I began to parent the children, I found myself remembering that their priorities are different then mine and that I was trying to push my needs onto them. (Do we need more people in the world like that?) I laughed at my own level of stress that I caused because I was reacting to them rather than parenting them!

It is not that difficult to take a step back from the reaction to the moment. Really, it can just be a deep breath. Remember that we need to teach them how to deal with their stress and they will ultimately model us.

Next time, I will just leave the house at the appropriate time, and if they are not in the car, well...they will have to work it out how or if they are going to get to school. Maybe a cab (that they pay for out of their allowance), maybe a friend’s mom will go out of her way to rescue them from their predicament, maybe they will miss school and have to explain to the teacher why...anyway they resolve it, THEY will resolve it, I will have to do less work, and they will learn 3 things:
1. How to solve a problem
2. Mornings matter
3. Dad’s work is important to him and if we want a free ride to school, we should make our mornings work for us.

Both of those things are things we need our kids to learn to help them be as successful as possible.

I love my kids, I want them to be different than me...I was kind of a screw up for a while...I want them to learn how to take care of themselves. I want them to learn to be resourceful. I want them to learn that getting to work on time and fulfilling my commitment to the people who hire me is important. I want them to know that know matter how they act, I am the parent of the child, not the behavior. I want them to think with their heart and feel with their head.

For them to do these things, I have to do these things.

The children are watching...

Aaron Huey
Director
Fire Mountain Kids/FireHawk Facilitation
303-443-3343
Website: www.firemountainkids.com
Email: info@firemoutainkids.com

Parenting the Child, Not the Behavior

I was at an amazing seminar this past weekend led by my good friend, David Wood. He is the author of a kid’s book called, ”There’s a world in my house”. He spoke about parenting the child vs. parenting the behavior.

This morning, I found my self really stressed out about how my children were treating the morning. Y’know what I am speaking of, the took forever to get out of bed, when I tried to get them to put a little fire into their step, I got attitude...  They had to finish breakfast in the car, and I was still late for work because I was waiting on them, you know the routine.

I spent the morning in reaction to what was happening. I was trying to parent the behavior. It wasn’t till we were (finally) in the car that I just stopped and began to breath, soften down the front of my body and relax. Remembering to not react, but run my own life so they learn to run their own lives. When I began to parent the children, I found myself remembering that their priorities are different then mine and that I was trying to push my needs onto them. (Do we need more people in the world like that?) I laughed at my own level of stress that I caused because I was reacting to them rather than parenting them!

It is not that difficult to take a step back from the reaction to the moment. Really, it can just be a deep breath. Remember that we need to teach them how to deal with their stress and they will ultimately model us.

Next time, I will just leave the house at the appropriate time, and if they are not in the car, well...they will have to work it out how or if they are going to get to school. Maybe a cab (that they pay for out of their allowance), maybe a friend’s mom will go out of her way to rescue them from their predicament, maybe they will miss school and have to explain to the teacher why...anyway they resolve it, THEY will resolve it, I will have to do less work, and they will learn 3 things:
1. How to solve a problem
2. Mornings matter
3. Dad’s work is important to him and if we want a free ride to school, we should make our mornings work for us.

Both of those things are things we need our kids to learn to help them be as successful as possible.

I love my kids, I want them to be different than me...I was kind of a screw up for a while...I want them to learn how to take care of themselves. I want them to learn to be resourceful. I want them to learn that getting to work on time and fulfilling my commitment to the people who hire me is important. I want them to know that know matter how they act, I am the parent of the child, not the behavior. I want them to think with their heart and feel with their head.

For them to do these things, I have to do these things.

The children are watching...

Aaron Huey
Director
Fire Mountain Kids/FireHawk Facilitation
303-443-3343
Website: www.firemountainkids.com
Email: info@firemoutainkids.com

Parent Pits Part 2

Here is the second installment of our 27 part series of the Parent Pits.

What are the Parent Pits? They are a guide to help parents avoid the pits and traps of their own parent’s parenting. This is a new book written for parents and will be available in January online in it’s complete form and includes  special tips for parents who are in a “repair process” as well as a chapter on breaking the legacies that DON’T need to be passed on. More to come!

1. Telling Your Children How to Run Their Lives
   

Again, this is a Love and Logic technique. I use it and it works amazingly. My mother’s favorite thing to say to me and my brothers is, “You know what you should do…” and right away we would begin to try to justify our decisions and logic AGAINST hers. What we can say instead is, “here is what I would do…” (leave out the “if I were you”)
Tell them how you are going to run your own life. “I am leaving in 15 minutes so I can get to work on time.” Versus, “You better be in the car in 15 minutes!” Kids want freedom and we want to set an example of how to take care of yourself. So, teach them by doing it.

 2.  Living Through Your Child
You had so much fun as a child; acting on stage …or maybe you were the star of your football team…or the smartest in your class…goody for you! I wonder what your kid will be? Maybe if you let them lead the way on their life, and their interests, they will discover how they are going to star, have fun, or what subject they can shine in. Feel free to share your stories and passions about your youth, but always allow them to create their own memories and loves. Maybe they will follow in your footsteps, maybe they will forge a new path that others will follow…if you could just get out of the way.
 
  3.  Choosing Between Love and Leadership
In each moment we want to give our kids love. We want them to feel that no matter what, they are loved, loveable and loving. We feel that way because we are attentive, wise, caring, nurturing parents. Our love can get in the way of our leadership. Our love can undermine our leadership. Being a parent is about making decisions, managing time and money, doing what is right for the whole community, not just the child in question. Being a leader is the same. When a child needs leadership, be a strong leader. We want to take them to the movie because they will be happy and maybe even love us a little bit more, but if they have had enough media for the week, or if money is tight and you need to eat instead…you need to make a decision based on what’s best for their whole being. Loving is also making the hard decisions has to, because your child will one day have to and who will teach them?

Aaron Huey
Director
Fire Mountain Enterprises
303-443-3343
Website: www.firemountainkids.com
Email: info@firemoutainkids.com

Parenting Skills for Challenging Kids

The Parent Pits
Part 1!

I have compiled a list of parenting skills we may have learned from our parents (and most likely they from theirs)...that just don’t work. Keep looking back here for more of the list (There are 27 “Pits”) and let me know your thoughts!

1. Focusing on the Problem
   

When our child struggles with grades or behavior in school, we tend to create a lot of energy around what is happening. We are doing it, the kid is doing it, the teachers are doing it. When we put energy into something, that thing expands. Quantum law teaches us this. Knowing this, what will you put your energy into next time, the problem or the solution. We are not ignoring the problem, we are solving it. This is where our focus needs to go. We must expand the solution. We ask for help from friends, parent coaches, books and tapes on parenting, teachers and school staff, but we stay focused on the solution. When a runner runs, they focus through the finish line. When a team practices, they focus on making the changes necessary to win the game. When we focus on the frustration and stress that the challenges creates, we create a bigger challenge.
 
   2. Punishing your Child When you are Mad
Some genius decided that, like dogs and rats, children need immediate consequences so they can attach the consequence to the behavior. I don’t know about you but my children are not dogs, nor rats. I also know that when I delay the consequence, 3 things happen:

1. I cool off and think with my rational logical mind, not my reaction to a messed up situation.
2. When I tell them I will think about the consequence and deal with it later, they think about it a lot more than I do.
3. They come up with consequences of their own.
   

This is the primary technique of Love and Logic parenting, of which I am a huge fan. It works so well! Put it off for a day, on hour even 15 minutes or so. Again ask for help, call a friend, read a parenting book…just stop reacting and punishing in one breath.
 
    3. Attaching your feelings to your lessons
I loved telling my daughter I was proud of her, until I saw her acting so I would be proud of her. That was not allowing her her own path. That was asking her to act in a way that used my pride as a guide. I want her to be proud of herself. I want her to act from her heart, not from her ego looking for reward from me. It is the same with, “I am very disappointed in you.” What we want is for our child to not do some “bad thing” because they would be disappointed in themselves. So when something good or bad happens, we can say, how do you feel about this? Reward them by acknowledging their ability to think for themselves, and save your pride for your friends.

Aaron Huey
Director
Fire Mountain Enterprises
303-443-3343
Website: www.firemountainkids.com
Email: info@firemoutainkids.com

The public school system gets an F.

Teachers have it rough. My brother is a teacher, my sister-in-law is a teacher, my mother was a teacher…not to mention I have taught in the public system, private schools, and home school children for years.

What I know is that the problem with education today HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TEACHERS! They are committed to working with your child…they’d have to be to get paid the meager wages they receive.
 
Your children are not failing…The system is failing your children!
 
Schools do not have the resources to work with your child’s uniqueness. Teachers may have 30 kids in a room much of their time is spent managing bad behavior. Money is always an issue for schools because our “powers that be” have some plan...that I don’t quite understand yet...

It just seems to me that education of children is too important for the treatment it receives.

Give your kids teacher a card, a note, a quick pat on that back that says something like, “I know how thankless your job may be sometimes, I know you work for a system that undervalues you, I know that you are committed to what you do, and I am very thankful that someone like you is involved in my child’s life.”

I love teachers, hire teachers, am related to teachers and had my life effected by some amazing men and women. Make sure you support your kids teacher in some way.

Aaron Huey
Owner
Fire Mountain Enterprises
303-443-3343
Website: www.firemountainkids.com
Email: info@firemoutainkids.com

The Importance of Celebration  
One of the keys to empowerment, both in adults and children, is the concept of celebration. We tend to focus on things that we don’t like, don’t want or that cause frustration and drama and blow off the things that work. The truth is, things don’t work. We work. When we work, we should celebrate. Focus on the celebration. The Wizard knows that what you focus on expands. The Warrior knows that celebration means victory. When your child gets good grades, cleans his/her room, helps with laundry or dishes, is polite to a stranger or does anything that is good; celebrate it. Make a big deal of the good things. Be loud and joyous when something nice happens. Send energy out into the world that something positive has just happened. Who cares who hears! Let your child know that this good thing is more important than some strangers opinion (or your own) discomfort.  
 
Ways to celebrate a kid in a second or less:

• “That was awesome when you ______(repeat the action back to them)___.”
• “We need more people like you who do what you just did in this world.”
• “Did you see what you just did? I did!”
• “You rock.”
  

With any verbal celebration, make sure you high five the child to create a physical experience as well as an emotional reward. Don’t worry if they think it is dorky. Inside they are celebrating too. (Hey, maybe adults should do this for each other as well! What a novel idea!)

Aaron Huey
Owner
Fire Mountain Enterprises
303-443-3343
Website: www.firemountainkids.com
Email: info@firemoutainkids.com

Fire Mountain teaching tips for parents (part one):

These are the core teaching principals that I work with my clients and my own kids. I have pulled these lessons from many different parenting philosophies and techniques like Love and Logic, Non-Violent Communication, Gandhi, and personal growth gurus like Brandon Bays, T. Harv Ecker and so on. I use these when I teach in schools. I look forward to your comments!

• Every child is powerful, funny, artistic and wise; our job as parents is to prove it to them.
• Any child can learn anything; it is how it is taught to the child that matters. To accomplish this, we first must find out how our child learns.
• Children need boundaries to learn in and feel safe in.
• Detach emotion from punishments. Keep the child focused on the consequences to their actions, not your feelings.
• Telling your child that you don’t know the answer to something gives them permission to be smarter than you. Asking them who they could talk with to learn the answer teaches them that knowledge is found everywhere, as well as encourages them to form their own opinion.
• By watching you become the change you want to see in the world, your child will become the change they want to see. We must teach by example. This is true for courage, honesty, responsibility, and love.
• Movies encourage children to be consumers, unless the child begins to understand what it takes to make a movie, and then they become critical thinkers about cinema and art. Have them watch the “making of” portions of DVDs to their favorite films.
• We parents live our stories every day. We can tell our children our story, but we must always remember, it is not their story. Our fear, our pain… it is ours. Do not give it to them. Give them space to create their own. Don’t make child live life based on your story.
  

Aaron Huey
Owner
Fire Mountain Enterprises
303-443-3343
Website: www.firemountainkids.com
Email: info@firemoutainkids.com

10 ways to tell your kid they just did a great job...

10 ways to tell your kids they just did a great job:

1. You rock!
2. I wish more kids would do what you just did!
3. I wish adults would do what you just did.
4. You are setting a perfect example for your younger/older brother/sister
5. I could learn a thing or two from you!
6. I wish I had a camera so I could prove to you how amazing you are!
7. You should teach classes on how to be an amazing kid!
8. You just totally blew my mind right there!
9. We need more people in the world like you.
10. You just did a great job!
    

In all cases, give the kids a high five. That physical expression of celebration along with the verbal cues of praise and gratitude create a deep, even cellular change in your child. Remember, the more you celebrate and appreciate the good jobs”, the more times you will have to celebrate and appreciate your child! Everybody wins!



Aaron Huey
Owner
Fire Mountain Enterprises
303-443-3343
Website: www.firemountainkids.com
Email: info@firemoutainkids.com